Clan MacDonald

The MacDonald Clan Crest
My maternal grandmother's mother was from this clan.
(Which means that I am too :)
The motto, "Per mare, per terras" means by sea and by land.
(Which explains my love of the sea :)


Summer in Nova Scotia!

I was serious when I said I can't wait any longer, and if I don't do something sooner than my five year plan, I feel like I will simply pop! So I am modifying my plan just a wee bit. June 1st will be my last day of work, and then I will spend this summer up in Nova Scotia!

I may not be able to get over to Scotland just yet, but I have got to immerse myself in gaelic and oat cakes!

The Unicorn, Heraldic Symbol of Scotland

This morning I was following my Scottish curiosities, and I found several versions of Scotland's coats of arms (one of which I posted prior to this). And I thought it was very interesting (seriously, a whole lot more than just a "bit" interesting) that Scotland's heraldic symbol is that of the unicorn!

So I followed my curiosities some more. . . .

The unicorn is the only "fabulous beast" that was not conceived out of human fears. It's fierce, yet good. . . .selfless, yet solitary. . . .and mysteriously beautiful. They are captured only by unfair means (which is, no doubt, why they are pictured in chains), and, most importantly, their single horn is said to neutralize poison!
OK, so why does all of this information amaze me?

Back in 1991, when I was first diagnosed with my colon cancer, Bernie Siegel's book "Love, Medicine, and Miracles" had a life changing impact on me and how I approach cancer. His book is about "healing with love," and I listened to the visualization meditations several times a day during the wait until surgery, then for a very long time after, and I would still listen to them if I had a CD version of them.

But one of the ways these meditations work with exceptional cancer patients is to "guide" the listener to choose some form of metaphor that does something to the cancer. Some people might choose a lion, for example, to "eat" the cancer, or another might choose a vial of poison to pour on the cancer; each person intuitively chooses the healing metaphor that works for them (and fits with their personal life philosophy and values).

Me? I chose the unicorn! I didn't want to approach my cancer as the enemy, because even though it was "cancer," it was still a part of me, a part of my very own flesh and blood. So I chose the unicorn's healing power to rub its magic horn on the cancer and transform the cancer with love and warmth into vital, healthy tissue. . . .which I believe is a significant reason why I am still alive today. . . .having now survived three different cancers!

Aye, the unicorn is a most important ally, indeed!

So I am enlivened this morning, and envigorated to find this amazing connection between my very powerful healing ally and the national symbol of Scotland! And now I am feeling this terrible and irresistable pull to drop absolutely everything, as soon as humanly possible, and get on that plane to Scotland. . . .the land of the healing unicorns!

IN DEFENS

In my defence God me defend

And bring my soul to ane good end

When I am sick and like to die

Father of Heaven have mercy on me.

Pet Passport!

Back in grad school when I was going to backpack through Ireland and Scotland for the summer, I hadn't even thought to question Shadow coming with me. But as the time drew near, I learned that Scotland had a mandatory SIX month quarantine for all pets! Needless to say, we didn't go backpacking that summer :(

The funny thing about technology, though, is that you never know what has changed! I have been making this five year plan in part because I figured by then my cat Sarra would be up in pet heaven. And I also knew that I couldn't even consider taking on the responsibility of another dog (if I wanted to spend time in Scotland).

Or so I thought!

Today I found many websites on international pet travel and this new concept of a "pet passport." It's not a passport like we have as humans, but more of a data collection file that travels with the pet, a pet that has been inserted with a very special internationally accepted microchip for proof positive identification. But if I start the process six months before going to Scotland, and follow the required steps, there is no reason why my cat (or even a new dog!) couldn't fly over for the adventure with me!

So even though Shadow is no longer with me, he continues to travel with me in spirit, and I know that when I finally arrive he will be eagerly waiting for me at the airport, wagging his tail with that great big smile in anticipation of our long overdue walkabout through the heathered highlands of Scotland!

What am I waiting for?

One of the thoughts creeping around inside my mind is the wondering of why time feels so different as an adult from when I was a child. I remember feeling like the day would just NEVER end! My birthday? Well, that was never going to get here, either. And Christmas? You might as well just give up on that one!

Tonight as I sit here writing a letter, I am shocked to write a date that signals the end of January in what feels like a brand new year, and I realize what the difference is.

As an adult, I have stopped looking forward with anticipation. My days are filled with a never ending list of tasks and projects that leave me anxious and stressed. My birthday has become just another day that comes and goes. And the holidays are generally filled with dread because I never know which side of the emotional river my feelings will flow. So it's no wonder time seems to be flying by!

The solution is simple, of course: I need to start looking forward to the events of my life! But herein lies the problem. . . .because the older I get, the more I mark time by what has already passed, and I am ever aware that my "days are numbered," which means (quite simply) that I am all too keenly aware that I am running out of  time! And I'm sure that living with cancer has thrown its own little monkey wrenches into the time mix. So how can I look forward with excitement and anticipation when I feel like I am digging my heels into the sand to keep myself from being pulled out to sea by the rip tide of time that has wrapped itself around my life?

Doors close. Windows shut. Possibilities become unfulfilled dreams neatly tucked away into hope chests and online photo albums that serve as a sarcophagus for memories and regrets of a life already lived. No wonder it feels like time goes by faster and faster every year, yet how can I slow it down? How can I seize each day with the same reckless abandon I did when I was young and invicible against the world when carpe diem feels impossibly dry and lifeless upon my tongue?

I need to rethink my 5 year plan. Why am I waiting so long? What am I afraid of? What am I honestly waiting for?

Fed by the Universe...

One of the things I love about expressing intent is how the universe reorders itself around vision and desire. I received an unexpected package this week from my friend Patty in Vermont who sent me a collection of maps and travel information of the British Isles from when her mother had traveled there many years ago. She is also sorting and purging, and I had to laugh at how we sometimes end up shuffling our "stuff" from one friend to another. . . .but the maps and information were a wonderful affirmation that I am on my spirit's path!


But this is how I experience my world. . . .when I am in love with my life, everything feels magical, miraculous, and destined in a most wonderful way. I feel like every where I walk I see signs that point me in the direction I need to move, or affirm that I am exactly who and where I need to be, and I feel "fed" by the universe with such dense and delicious food for my spirit!
So, thank you, Patty, for this most delicious gift!

$20 a day...

How amazing is it...

to live in love and laughter. . .
at one of the seven natural wonders of the world. . .

while earning my tickets to freedom. . .

$20 per day. . .

5 days a week. . .

for 5 quick years. . .

and there is NOTHING powerful enough to stop me. . .

So bring it on!

Loreena McKennitt- Tango to Evora

Longing for the land of my spirit...

I just experienced "Grace Note. . .kauai five~0". . .

now my heart aches to be walking through the highlands of Scotland. . . .breathing in the salted sea air washing across the craggy shores. . . .looking out upon the land of my spirit on a moon filled night from the stoney window of a castle I have highjacked for the night . . .

        . . . makes my heart ache to be home . . .

. . . a home I have never seen . . .
. . . a home that calls out to my depth . . .

I must begin this journey now!